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How to Sell a Home in the Serial Killer Capital of Canada (London, Ontario!)

Between the years 1959-1984 the Forest City was coined the Serial Killer Capital of Canada, and although the massacres ended forty years ago, London still has a high concentration of home-icidal maniacs with an unquenchable thirst for real estate… and murder! (you try driving around this city without wanting to kill someone) Whether an […]
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These 5 Realtor.ca Mistakes are Deterring Thousands of Hot and Steamy Home Buyers

Lately, I’ve noticed a profusion of unsatisfactory listing presentations on Realtor.ca. These unappetizing listing arrangements have been perforated by blurry photos, cluttered rooms, and spelling errors. With Realtor.ca being the NUMBER ONE destination for home shoppers, why on earth would anyone cut corners and upload a lackluster exposition? TOP FIVE REALTOR.CA BLUNDERS If you have zero […]
Real Estate: Open and Transparent Bidding Has Arrived in Ontario (and I’m all shook up!)

Mm-mm, yeah, yeah, yeah, Ontario has implemented new real estate rules that will allow sellers and buyers to enter into an open (transparent) bidding process. What does this mean for the average real estate gyrator? Well, keep reading, my little Tupelo Tornado and find out, because it’s only a matter of time until this article […]
Top 10 Items to ‘Fur’iously Monitor While Maintaining Your Home (#10 is a real shocker!)

In this juicy feature I have teamed up with a local Certified Master Inspector named Michael Balaban. After many rigorous discussions, we felt it would be an innovative idea to unleash an article that could penetrate the masses of society. How did we plan to achieve this snoozer of a task? Easy, by politely asking […]

Home How to Sell a Home in the Serial Killer Capital of Canada (London, Ontario!) Between the years 1959-1984 the Forest City was coined the Serial Killer Capital of Canada, and although the massacres ended forty years ago, London still has a high concentration of home-icidal maniacs with an unquenchable thirst for real estate… and murder! (you try driving around this city without wanting to kill someone) Whether an […]

Home These 5 Realtor.ca Mistakes are Deterring Thousands of Hot and Steamy Home Buyers Lately, I’ve noticed a profusion of unsatisfactory listing presentations on Realtor.ca. These unappetizing listing arrangements have been perforated by blurry photos, cluttered rooms, and spelling errors. With Realtor.ca being the NUMBER ONE destination for home shoppers, why on earth would anyone cut corners and upload a lackluster exposition? TOP FIVE REALTOR.CA BLUNDERS If you have zero […]

Real Estate: Open and Transparent Bidding Has Arrived in Ontario (and I’m all shook up!) Mm-mm, yeah, yeah, yeah, Ontario has implemented new real estate rules that will allow sellers and buyers to enter into an open (transparent) bidding process. What does this mean for the average real estate gyrator? Well, keep reading, my little Tupelo Tornado and find out, because it’s only a matter of time until this article […]

Top 10 Items to ‘Fur’iously Monitor While Maintaining Your Home (#10 is a real shocker!) In this juicy feature I have teamed up with a local Certified Master Inspector named Michael Balaban. After many rigorous discussions, we felt it would be an innovative idea to unleash an article that could penetrate the masses of society. How did we plan to achieve this snoozer of a task? Easy, by politely asking […]

The Rental Scam You Need to Watch Out For (don’t be fooled!) Humbugged, duped, swindled… you want it? They’ve got it! An impressive scam is on the loose and fraudsters are spoofing Realtor.ca listings on Rentals.ca. This con trick is everywhere and has even happened to one of my own listings. WHAT IS RENTALS.CA? Rentals.ca is an unregulated website (a hoaxer’s paradise) that acts as a hub […]

Home 9 Questions To Ask That Beamy, Steamy, Realtor Of Your Dreamy (question #9 is all you really need to knowy!) Some (mostly me) say that questing for the perfect realtor and hunting for your soulmate is one and the same. Some also say (again, mostly just me) that if you have a habit of making regrettable decisions in love, then you’ll make poor choices when selecting a realtor. With over 2200 realtors in the London-St. […]

QUIZ: The 7 Stages of Homebuyer’s Grief (where my home-ies at?) WARNING This article may cause anti-humourists to experience feelings of anger, resentment, and arousal. Reader discretion is advised. HOMELET To buy, or not to buy… To sell, or not to sell… To burn down my house for insurance, or not to burn down my house for insurance… Are these really the questions you want the […]

Possibly the Most Boring Real Estate Article of All-Time…SEXIFIED! Though I must confess that the idea of writing about floors was as thrilling as a snuggle of sloths playing strip poker (if sloths could do such a thing), I am now prepared to admit I was dead wrong, and that floors are indeed a sexy inspiration! Whether you’re in pursuit of the perfect partner, […]

3 Hip Thrusting Real Estate Blurbs That Will Make The Status Quo Squirm Settle in, my innovative thirst quencher, as I am going to share with you a few of my general listing descriptions that were deemed over-stimulating by the feckless monsters of mediocrity. These dud-barians strived to subjectively censor and/or edit my work, depriving you of the full John Edward Hewerdine III real estate experience (which you […]

7 Tips for Scribbling the Quintessential Real Estate Letter (#7 will separate the studs from the duds) Home Buyers! Listen delicately as leaves rustle through a panting breeze. If you hear whispers of hope travelling through the naked wind, proceed with caution as this may bend your ear to the brink of insanity. Those that fall victim to the belief that the heartfelt letter will trim the bush of competition, hack the […]

Home Tyrant to Champion: How to Prosper as a Landlord and Proliferate Your Wealth (with honour!) “Historians of Real Estate will say I am a liar, but history is written by those who have hung heroes.” – John Edward Hewerdine III If you’re a bodacious baroness, a valiant viscount, or a rustic boor transcending into the realm of magnificence, I beg you to give heed and dispatch your riders with urgent […]

The Real Estate Investment That Will Tickle Your Taste Buds (and more…) Lie down and lean in, as I am about to whisper sweet somethings into your ear. I’m uncloaking an investment so provocative and sensuous it’ll force you into a state of mania. I’m about to lay bare a residential structure so tantalising and alluring, that even I was seduced down on one knee, slipping on […]

‘Growing’ Concerns That Buyers Should Consider When Purchasing A Home TREES! TREES! TREES! Wood you be-leaf there are over 7 million trees in the Forest City? That equals approximately 16.2 trees per Londoner. Compare this to Toronto, a city with approximately 11.5 million trees. This only equals 3.9 trees per Torontonian. In-tree-ged? Breathe in that sweet oxygen, Joe London! Urban foliage is vital in keeping […]

‘Watt’ You Need to Know About Residential Wiring YES, the rumours are true; ladies love a tradesman… and licensed electricians are at the top of the list (allegedly) Electrical work can be daunting and dangerous for amateurs, but with me in your corner it doesn’t have to be. As a fully licensed electrician with over 9000 hours of required training successfully completed, my […]