Lifestyle March 26, 2021

The #1 Quality That Boss Babes Look for in a Man (Real Estate 101)

There are important qualities that an ambitious woman will look for in a man: financial stability, washboard abs, and don’t forget a very expensive life insurance policy… but what’s the ultimate quality that really gets a head honcha’s heart palpitating? HOME OWNERSHIP.

London is riddled with strong independent women that own homes, and are looking for a partner that can enhance their life. There is nothing worse than a grown man living in his parents’ basement, ready to rob every last cent from a showstopper’s success…am I right, ladies?

Single Ladies: please indulge me for a moment as I am going to educate single men about the direct correlation between home ownership and the development into a responsible mate. Let’s work together in making the dating pool a little more tolerable for you. Sound reasonable?

Let’s begin, shall we?

Single Guys: if you already own a home you are off to a great start. If you don’t own a home, well you better buy one or you’ll be spending a lot of lonely nights at sea. If you can’t afford a home, no problem! With my guidance, you’ll be able to create the illusion of homeownership and temporarily impress that elusive enchantress (you’ve been warned, ladies).


Love can be broken down to its simplest form by using this formula:
Human Male + Home Ownership = Modern Day Casanova

Now keep in mind that not all residential structures are created equal. Based on what you own (or are pretending to own) you will be placed on a scale of burning desire. This scale is how a sensual seductress deciphers your suitable mate-ness and if you’re worthy of fulfilling their short and long-term life goals.

Let’s take a closer look at each level of the Burning Desire Home Ownership Scale. Remember gentlemen; the higher the level, the more desirable you will become…


LEVEL 1: The Matchstick Visionary (Enticer)
STRUCTURE: Multi-Family
DESCRIPTION: Low-density walk-up units, to mid- (4 storey to 12 storey) and high-rise (more than 12-storey buildings).
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: This is your entry-level home, a private place for snogging, and a far more desirable option than crashing in your parents’ basement. Don’t get me wrong; lascivious good-lookers are in your near future, but it is only a starting point.

LEVEL 2: The Kindling Head Turner (Pretty Boy)
STRUCTURE: Row Housing
DESCRIPTION: Three or more units are joined together by common party walls. Each unit typically contains a full basement, main level living area and upper level for bedrooms. Row housing is either offered as freehold or condominium.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: If you live in a major city this could be all you need to secure that lifelong dream girl. However, in London that is not the case. If you don’t level up, you may only temporarily reel in those mysterious mermaids, and run the risk of losing them to the sea for bigger fish.

LEVEL 3: The Sexy Sizzler (Smooth Operator)
STRUCTURE: Semi-Detached
DESCRIPTION: Similar to row housing, but only having two units side-by-side with a common party wall. They provide many features associated with detached homes (i.e., size and individual title to the land) while offering certain price advantages.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: Also a great option for big city dwellers. But in London your fetching feline may become paranoid that the neighbours can hear her hissing at you (among other loud noises). At that point it may be time to upgrade to level 4 (if you don’t want her to stray).

LEVEL 4: The Del Sol Dazzler (Heartthrob)
DESCRIPTION: Bungalows are a highly popular housing style given the lack of stairways with the primary living area contained on one floor. The bungalow design in Ontario dates from the early 1900s, but gained its greatest popularity during the postwar years of the late 1940s.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: Now we are talking the language of love! Whisper the word ‘detached’ in the ear of a bewitching dreamboat and she will lose complete control of her inhibitions. Bungalows remain popular, particularly for empty nesters and future nesters who are looking to secure that lifelong companion.

LEVEL 5: The Bonfire Beau (Babe Magnet)
STRUCTURE: Ranch Bungalow
DESCRIPTION: What is the difference between a bungalow and a ranch? The ranch style bungalow offers extensive space typically with an attached double garage. These extended bungalows often contained 2000 square feet or more on one floor. A side benefit is an extremely large basement for additional living and entertainment rooms, and storage areas.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: Variations on ranch bungalows are still popular in rural areas where large lots are more readily available. Rumours have it that the ranch bungalow attracts small town country babes. If you are hoping to attract a laid back, rootin’-tootin’ knockout, then perhaps a ranch style bungalow is the home for you and your newfound tractor-riding love.

LEVEL 6: The Fire Dancer (Ladies’ Man)
STRUCTURE: Split-Level
DESCRIPTION: Side and back splits can involve three or more levels of living area depending on size; e.g., lower family room, main level living room, dining room and kitchen, and upper level bedrooms. Elaborate split-level homes can typically involve as many as five levels. Critics argue that stairs are everywhere.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: Split-levels gained their widest popularity during the free-spirited 1970s. Experts project that you may find yourself attracting a titillating temptress, and diving headfirst into a life of pineapple door knockers.

LEVEL 7: Raging Torch Sockdolager (Beefcake)
STRUCTURE: One and One-Half Storey
DESCRIPTION: Typically, about 60% of the total living area is contained on the first floor. The one and one-half storey provides a high-pitched roof for additional living area. Particularly attractive during the post war years (1940s and 1950s) and the baby boom era.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: Both one and one-half storey and Cape Cod designs remain popular. If you want a luscious lady who loves 1980s sitcoms, this could be the house for you!

LEVEL 8: The Fire Ablaze Master (Superstud)
DESCRIPTION: The most popular design of choice during the 1980s to the present time. This plan provides an attractive blend of a large living area combined with a separate level for sleeping areas. Unlike the one and one-half storey, rooms on the upper level do not have the angled ceilings on the upper level and can be very spacious. Two storey designs in the marketplace offer tremendous variety in terms of exterior shape, roof design and floor layouts. A few of many possibilities are highlighted.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: Jackpot! The ultimate sign you are ready to attract the most tantalizing woman of them all; the Lustful Aristocrat! They’ll be drooling over the idea that you can facilitate a big family, in a safe neighbourhood, close to great schools. You are officially a superstud!

To conclude lesson #1, I will leave you with these wise words…some say love is like a real estate market, and for men, knowing the importance of these 8 levels is the ultimate weapon. Achieve homeownership and you’ll find yourself one step closer to being that mature and responsible stunner that women have always dreamed of.

Now get out there and make a special woman’s wildest dreams come true!

Hot for more lessons on real estate in the name of love?